Ever since I was little, I have been waiting expectantly for the day that I could be a crotchety old man. While I’m still not old enough to pull my pants up to my armpits and complain about everything, I do feel I should get some practice in, so I can hit the ground running -- or, you know, ambling, with the help of my cane -- when I am old. For best results, read this blog entry in a crotchety old man voice. 

Craft beer is too popular these days, I tells ya’. Why just this weekend, I tried to go the grand opening of the Jester King Brewery here on the outskirts of Austin, Texas and you know what happened? I got turned away! You see, the good folks at Jester King expected 1,000 to 2,000 people to attend their event, but 4,000 showed up! And the Haye’s County Sheriff’s Department closed the event down. 

This is an outrage I say! All these people liking craft beer. It’s ridiculous. Give me the good old days when a small brewery opened and 14 people showed up. Half of them had no idea what craft beer was and went running when they did find out. You could sit there all afternoon, drinking beer by yourself while the owners silently wondered if they had made a huge mistake.

And who are cops to tell me I can’t drink beer in Texas? I fought the Japanese at Pearl Harbor! Sure, this was at a restaurant in 1991, but I think that should still count. (And once again, I would personally like to thank Mr. Yamamoto for not pressing charges. We actually correspond now. He’s good people. And little Yoshi is going to college now. I remember when just a little kid, all big-eyed and frightened that some foreign man was picking a fight with his dad over whether you could use Mt. Dew as your brewing water.) 

And what's with all the young people at beer events these days? How is craft beer going to fade into obscurity if so many people start liking good beer in their early 20’s? Plus, I am so sick of the youth these days. In my day, young people were scary and rebellious and listened to weird music. These days, I would love to be able to yell, “Turn that noise down,” but the kids are listening to music that was in the oldies bin when I was young! I saw a college kid wearing a Hendrix t-shirt the other day. That would be like me wearing a Bix Beiderbecke shirt when I was in college.

And what happened to the rebellion, and menace? In my day, my dad would yell at the teenagers to get off our lawn, and they would get out their switch blades, wave ‘em around a bit, and finally jump on their Harley’s and tear off, engines blaring. The other day, I yelled at some teenagers to get off my lawn and they all got out their cell phones, got on Yelp! and looked for recommendations for other crotchety old man yards to hang out in. Then they got on their Vespas and slowly putted off, after calling their parents first to tell them where they were going and then again to assure them that they were wearing their helmets. 

And what’s all this with new single-release brews these days? In my day, there was one seasonal. It was Octoberfest. You drank it. You liked it. And then you waited a year for it to come out again. These days, something exciting comes out very week. How is craft beer going to become something only of interest to crotchety old men if brewers keep releasing interesting one-time brews? It’s too much, I tells ya’. But then, I am a crotchety old man.